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It was a quiet Sunday morning in the Honeywell Custody Centre. Sergeant Undergusset was sitting with his feet up on the desk, enjoying a cup of coffee while at the same time struggling with a Sudoku. Abruptly the peace was shattered as Detective Constable Parsnip entered, handcuffed to another in his detention, who was completely and utterly failing to ‘come quietly’.  

 

“What have you got for me today Parsnip?” asked Undergusset.

 

“Fraud Sarge” answered the DC, clearly out of breath.

 

“What’s his name?”

 

“Rise of the Robots sir”.

 

“Strange name?”

 

“It’s a strange case sir”.

 

“Well I can’t just book him in on your say-so; you know the score, what’s the evidence?”

 

“Well sir” Parsnip replied, “This is a game released across multiple gaming platforms in 1994 by Time Warner Interactive, after one of the most sustained and expensive advertising campaigns in gaming history. It was anticipated by the entire gaming world as being one of the greatest releases ever. It was a one-on-one fighting affair in a similar style as the Street-Fighter games. The twist in this case was that instead of human opponents, you fought a series of robots.”

 

“Sounds great Parsnip” said Undergusset, “I can’t see the problem?”

 

“Oh it sounded great that’s for sure. It was hugely anticipated. It had amazing graphics, a slick introduction and they got Brian May involved on the music side. The still shots that were circulated pre-release looked fantastic. Unfortunately it didn’t deliver. In fact this is one of the most shockingly bad games released in the history of anything ever”.

 

Undergusset took a swig of his now cold coffee, considering the facts of the case. He winced slightly.

 

“I’m still going to need more Parsnip,” he said after a period of deep thought. “As said, I need evidence. So far I can’t see this standing up in court”.

 

“Okay sir” said the DC taking a deep breath, “How about this for starters? Despite a limited range of robot opponents you can only play as ‘ECO35-2’, a blue cyborg thing. You battle against a series of robots which have, in some cases and for no apparent reason, double the reach you have. The robots have huge energy bars so it is virtually impossible to knock one out in the time allowed, whereas if they hit you, you can lose a quarter of your energy in one go. The movement is jerky in the extreme and, while they look nice in still shots, the animation is embarrassingly poor coupled with a truly shocking frame rate. The robots appear to be hovering over the ground rather than standing on it. The backgrounds are samey and dreary”.

 

Undergusset went to speak, but Parsnip had built up a head of steam and wasn’t done yet. He continued:

 

“Despite Brian May recording an entire soundtrack they didn’t use most of it and the in-game music sounds like it has been lifted from a bad 1980s techno album. There are only five robots to fight against and a final boss. It is impossible to turn and face left. It is harder on the ‘easy’ mode than it is on the ‘hard’ mode. The developers claimed that the opponents had the ‘most advanced artificial intelligence’ of any game at the time and each had detailed strengths and weaknesses listed, but despite this they all behave in exactly the same manner, AND YOU CAN BEAT EVERY ONE OF THEM ON THE HARDEST DIFFICULTY LEVEL SIMPLY BY JUMP-KICKING THEM REPEATEDLY”.

 

Sergeant Undergusset was stood, frozen, the coffee cup halfway down from his mouth. His mouth was open but he didn’t seem to know what to say.

 

“Oh, and you can play the game from start to finish in less than twenty minutes,” said Parsnip, somewhat triumphantly.

 

There was a long silence.

 

“And this was a full price release was it?” asked Undergusset. “Not a public domain game or something a child had put together in their bedroom?”

 

“Yes sir. They spent millions on the development and it was a full price release, about £40.00 in 1994. Their advertising said, ‘The brutal artificial intelligence and revolutionary 3-D graphics will change the way you look at fighting games’. And despite being a short, shallow, badly programmed steaming pile of utterly unremarkable gaming excrement, it came on ten disks. You can imagine the disk swapping nightmares that resulted. Though to be fair that was a little better than the AGA version which needed a full thirteen.”

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“THIRTEEN!?”

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“Yes sir.”

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“How could they justify thirteen? The Secret of Monkey Island was a huge game, a wonderful game, a game of downright genius, and that only needed four?”

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“Yes sir.”

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There was another, even longer silence. 

 

“Fraud you say?” Undergusset eventually asked.

 

“Yes sir.”

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“Anyone else involved?”

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“Amiga Action gave it 92%.”

 

“Bring them in for Conspiracy and lock him up.” said Undergusset looking both shocked and disgusted at ROTR. “And keep him there”. He had a thought. “And in the morning, piss on his cornflakes”.

 

ROTR was led down the corridor, head down, and placed in a holding cell. Suddenly everything started going wibbly wobbly, like a dream sequence beginning or ending in a film. DC Parsnip and Sergeant Undergusset slowly faded into nothingness, Sudoku and all.

 

“Hey” shouted ROTR. “Where has everyone gone? You can’t leave me locked up here forever?”

 

But I’m the writer, and maybe I can. It’s the very least you deserve…

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Graphics - 25%

Some nice cut scenes set the game up but the in-play graphics are awful. They may look ok in still shots, but wait until you see them move. Very poor. 

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Sounds - 3%

An irritating and overly loud video-printer sets up the ‘story’ and preceeds the main bouts, during which there are two sound effects, a low hum (presumably to offer up an embarrassing attempt at atmosphere) and a repeated metallic clunk when the combatants make contact. That's pretty much it.

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Grab-Factor - 30%

I can't deny that the game is easy to pick up and play. The only question is why you would want to. You will probably beat it on your first go. 

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Playability - 0%

Deeply flawed. There is no variety, no challenge, no replay factor, nothing in fact to keep you playing after the first couple of bouts. This is undoubtedly the worst video game it has been my misfortune to play in over forty years. I would rather undergo root-canal treatment at a Jedward concert than have to play it again. 

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Verdict - 14%

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AG 09/06/2018

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Featured in Amiga Addict magazine, issue 14.

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© Words and pictures copyright grapeswriting.com

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Rise of the Robots - Review

(Time Warner Interactive, Commodore Amiga Game, 1994)

Turrican II

Turrican II - The Final Fight (AGA) - Review

(Sonic Sloth, Commodore Amiga Game, 2022)

The original Turrican II was developed in 1991 by Rainbow Arts in conjunction with Factor 5, and I have always considered it to be the ‘Godfather’ of platform games on the Amiga. It was the first ‘mig platformer I ever played and as a relatively early example of the genre for Commodore’s classic home computer it really is very impressive.

 

Does anyone care about the back story?

For those that haven’t played the game before, you play as a lone marine, seeking to wipe out a race of cyborgs led by an emperor imaginatively named ‘The Machine’, following their attack and destruction of all aboard your ship The Avalon. You don a ‘Turrican’ suit and then set about jumping and shooting your way through the seemingly endless hordes of mechanical bad guys on the planet Landorin in your attempt to reach and destroy The Machine. The game features good graphics, a fabulous soundtrack, a play area made up of large and extremely complex levels, a decent variety of weapons to collect and plenty of secrets to discover. 

 

Didn’t do it for me

Weirdly though, while I appreciated the quality, it was never a personal favourite. I can’t put my finger on why not as it seems to tick all the boxes, but for some reason I never warmed to it in the same way that I did with other run-and-gun platform offerings. Perhaps it was too open and sprawling for my tastes (I prefer to be working my way though a more clearly defined route) and I always found progression to be pretty tough, never making it much further than the first level (which is absolutely huge!).

 

I was definitely in the minority however as it is generally considered to be one of the best examples of its kind that the Amiga has to offer. In late 2022 a new AGA version developed by Sonic Sloth was released for the Amiga, so I made it a firm 2023 New Year’s resolution to give it another chance to nurdle its way into my affections!    

 

The emperor’s new clothes

The Sonic Sloth website informs us that the remake is, “Unofficial” and, “Not associated with Factor 5 in any way”, and for this reason the download is entirely free. The website also details an impressive list of game improvements, including: (deep breath) 50/60hz action, full use of AGA enhanced 24 bit / 256 colour modes, the original game’s music and sound effects, support for 2 button joysticks, CD32 joypads and user definable controls, three additional difficulty levels and a built-in trainer mode, an option to replace the DOS character sprite with the Amiga version, an ability to look down to see blind jumps, optional Gyro Jump controls enhancement and saveable high scores for the WHDLoad and A500 Mini versions. Phew!

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It also promises new, “Enhanced secrets”. There are three drones hidden in each level - they become visible when shot, but also let off a sound when they are on screen as a hint. If you follow the drones they lead you to secret items, and if you collect all 24 and complete the game you unlock a special gameplay option.

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So far so good, but the big questions are: how does it look and how does it play?

 

Looking good baby…

It has to be said that the Sonic Sloth team have done a wonderful job - it looks BRILLIANT. The colour palette is rich and vibrant and there is a crispness that lifts the game completely. While it is instantly recognisable and the gameplay remains virtually identical, the difference aesthetically is both marked and a huge improvement.

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I am reminded very much of the clean and vivid graphics used by Team 17 on titles such as Project X. The difference from the original is akin to moving from VHS video to high definition TV; everything suddenly looks sharp and bright. I was not quite so sure about the new character sprite (based on the DOS version) but you have an option to revert to the original Amiga one which is a nice touch.

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The gameplay options are great too; a two button controller option is a welcome improvement - the original game has to be played using a joystick / keyboard mix which is never ideal. The selectable difficulty levels and the comprehensive training mode also make the game far more accessible. 

 

Impressed…

Overall this is a fantastic remake and considering that it is a free download it seems almost too good to be true. Kudos has to go to the Sonic Sloth team for producing something that is truly extraordinary. They have taken an already great game and made it even better.

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I thoroughly enjoyed playing the game again, with the new difficulty options allowing me to ease myself in gently, learn the best routes through the levels and gain confidence. I found myself getting further and having more fun than ever before. So yes – I have perhaps finally fallen in love with Turrican II.   

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With huge beautiful levels, great sound, a plethora of weapons, a multitude of secrets, responsive controls and extensive difficulty and controller options, this version may well be the best platformer available to play on the Amiga.

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Just tremendous.

 

Graphics - 93%

The play areas are colourful, vibrant, crisp and beautiful. I preferred the original Amiga character sprite though.

 

Sounds - 91%

The Turrican II soundtrack is embedded in Amiga history and the instantly recognisable music has been reproduced perfectly.

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Grab-factor - 88%

Easy enough to get going, though there is no hand-holding, this remains a tough game to beat and even the first level is as hard as nails.

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Playability – 96%

Hugely playable. Responsive controls, large sprawling levels and loads of secrets to find, this will keep you entertained for ages.

 

Verdict - 92%

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AG 29/01/2023

 

Second Opinion - Andrew

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I’ve always loved Turrican II. The title music is just the best I’ve ever heard on the Amiga, Chris Huelsbeck used a mix of the Paula audio chip and the CPU to produce incredible seven-channel sound.

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I chose to install the WHDLoad version. It was a simple matter of downloading it to CF card on my laptop, then popping the CF card into a PCMCIA adapter on my Amiga 1200. It takes rather longer to load than the standard game, but it’s worth it. Everything is new. My understanding is that Sonic Sloth didn’t just port this over from the PC version; they recreated it from scratch.

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The new graphics are on show from the start, the title screen enhanced with the extra colours that that AGA chipset provides. There are a pleasing number of options to choose, including a trainer mode allowing infinite lives, infinite power ups and the ability to choose your weapon – among many other things. You can also skip levels with the press of a key.

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I chose the original Amiga sprite (naturally!) and fired up level 1.

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Wow, this game is just beautiful. At first the detail of the scenery and the colours is a little jarring, such is the contrast to the 32 colour Amiga version, but you soon get used to it. What amazed me was that everything was so smooth. No matter how busy the screen, it just rolled along without issue. Admittedly I am packing a TF1260 inside my 1200, which may have helped!

 

In the interest of magazine deadlines I did skip levels once I’d had a decent explore, finding new worlds I had never reached in the original. I had fun on every single level I played. The spaceship levels were particularly challenging.

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The game is not just Turrican II in a much prettier frock. It feels (and plays) like a whole new game. Rather than just tart up the graphics Sonic Sloth have clearly done a lot of work under the hood and it plays so well. I do hope they turn their talents to more conversion projects.

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Alan’s 92% rating is well deserved.

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Featured in Amiga Addict magazine, issue 19.

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© Words and pictures copyright grapeswriting.com

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